Rude Rant: 5 Tips for the Promdi

1.) Escalator Vanity encourages photobombers. 

Avoid taking pictures of your friends while on a mall escalator because it's annoying having to adjust myself just so that I don't accidentally photobomb your shot. Seriously, there's nothing special with this escalator and the next one won't be any better. The next time I see a person doing this, I will intentionally place myself in the shot with my best I-will-kill-you-in-your-sleep smile.

Beware the "I-will-kill-you-in-your-sleep" smile. 

Consequently, DON'T EVER take pictures when going up or down the stairs. I will push you, and I will laugh when you fall.

2.) Buses hate old ladies.

"Lampas na ho kayo. Hindi kasi kayo nagsabi."

The thousands of buses moving around Metro Manila all go to different places. Check twice before getting on any because it would be more than just a little troublesome figuring out where to get off without getting even more lost. NEWSFLASH (Even to frail old ladies): Bus drivers and conductors couldn't care any less about where you end up, and any mishaps will always be considered your fault.

Basic bus lingo translated:

• "Maluwang pa" - Trip to jerusalem ang labanan at malapit nang matapos ang tugtog.
• "Makakaupo" -  Asa ka pang makaupo.
• "Usog na lang po sa likod" - Gumagawa tayo nang isang higanteng lata ng sardinas. World Record ba.
• "Bawal magbaba dito" - Dun ka na bumaba sa kabila. Bawal din, pero dun walang pulis.

3.)  The LRT/MRT card is not rocket science.

That little hole is your friend. That's what she said.

You know what that little hole on one corner of the LRT/MRT card means? Surprise, surprise, it's to show you what orientation the card should be when you enter or exit the station. And that's assuming you don't notice the not-so-subtle arrows on the cards with the same purpose! 

Ideally, it should only take one journey on any of the train lines for you to figure out how that small piece of card works.  People on Manila trains already have no concept of patience and personal space as it is without having to deal with  people trying every possible card orientation BUT the right one.

   

4.) Provincial plate number? Beware the crocodiles.

If your car not only has a provincial plate number but is at the same time covered in the dirt and grime accumulated from hundreds of kilometers of travel, you are going to be a prime target for MMDA officials. If there's ever a time when you should drive perfectly then your visit to the city would be it, because one wrong move and you'll find yourself sponsoring the next snack or meal of some crafty policemen. Swerving, beating the red light, and not wearing seat belts are only a few of the usual culprits. 

NOT the answer, by the way. DON'T be like this guy.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not claiming that all policemen are corrupt. It's just that I've never seen any officer who has refused a few Ube or Yellow bills when it's time to eat. Just saying.

5.) Manila taxi drivers can be a big headache. Literally!

If you ever need to ride a cab in the big city, try your hardest to get an MGE taxi, Dollar taxi, or any of the other colored taxis. The white taxis are usually the ones who spell trouble and would try to get you to pay extra with excuses of traffic and such nonsense. Always stick to the meter, and don't let yourself be fooled by any of their ploys.

Be careful, though. Once, we paid the exact meter amount when we got off, and the taxi driver got p***ed. I got a 5-peso coin hurled at my head just because the taxi driver is an a** hat and felt entitled to more money.

NOT what I meant by colored taxi, by the way.

Does anyone else have any tips to share?