Of maids, mother complexes, and Filipino time

These past few days have been such a flurry of news, it becomes hard to keep up. There’s the editorial from UST’s The Varsitarian which sparked public outcry after lashing out on Ateneo and La Salle. We also have the recently concluded filing of Certificate of Candidacy, with Atty. Leni Robredo joining the ranks of hopeful candidates. And last time I checked, the Anti-Cybercrime Law has been put under a Temporary Restraining Order after numerous organizations have submitted petitions against it. But, the biggest news of all, the one that I think deserves attention is no other than the finale of ABS-CBN’s “Walang Hanggan”.

I may deserve some backlash right there, but with ABS-CBN counting down the days until the grand ending, it may as well be. Long ago, I may have reacted to this with absolute annoyance that local television is synonymous with soap operas. But I have long surrendered myself into accepting that this is an irrevocable part of Pinoy culture. Though I won’t go as far as liking them, I can now sit back and watch in peaceful tolerance.

With “Walang Hanggan” coming to a close (which means saying goodbye to the “yami” Coco Martin), I thought it only fitting to share some of the things I’ve picked up in soap operas in order to avoid the drama and stress of living in a teleserye. Though I’m pretty sure they are not at all helpful and I’m just deliberately wasting your time, read it nonetheless.

Is it me or Coco Martin looks a little bit off, to put it nicely?

1.       Never hire attractive maids.

If you’re the epitome of the classic doña, never get pretty ladies for hired help. This is applicable especially if you have an only son, who is going to inherit all your family’s fortune. Pretty soon, you may wind up with inday as your daughter-in-law. Sure, they may have found true love. And yes, they may find everlasting happiness. But better avoid going through all the mess and trouble you’re going to face before they get their happy ending. 

This may as well be next impossible since no good-looking girl will aspire to become yayas if they have a face for television. So, in amendment to the earlier rule:

Never hire maids your son’s age.

No matter how different your son’s type in women may be, never underestimate the power of proximity and small confines. Better opt for the elderly and maternal types, unless your son has a disturbing thing for mother figures.

Loving the hair and looking not at all like a wig. 

2.       DNA testing for instant family.

If you’re in serious rotten luck that you have a parent or sibling you've never known or met, just remember the saying “maliit ang mundo”. So, if the fates work their magic and you meet someone you feel a strong kinship to, then DNA testing is the way to go. Especially if physical resemblances won’t do it for you. You can stop wishing he is your long lost father and know once and for all. For starters, find out if your blood types match. (Tip: O parents can never have AB children. It’s all one Google search away.) Then, if there’s a match, then you can now proceed to comparing your DNA. 

Coco Martin turning out to be her long lost son. How convenient.

3.       Don’t start your wedding on time.

If you have unresolved issues with an ex or you've been estranged for a while but you are still harboring some feelings, better move your wedding down by a few minutes because if he or she is coming to stop it, chances are he/she will be late. Blame it on Filipino time. So better uphold the tradition and start your wedding late. No one will be surprised if you do so.

2 grand weddings. Lucky girl.

I may go on and on but I don’t want to lose any more self-respect in admitting more than I should. I’m just glad that “Walang Hanggan” is coming to a close. But then again, a new one will take its place. And so, the cycle continues.